may eighteenth. lately i'm starting to understand why some people feel the need to make organized religion a part of their lives, even though i don't. i think about how amazing it would be to have a spiritual community full of people who share the same basic beliefs as me, but in my life i've only found one or two people who do, so that seems highly unlikely. i am becoming more fearless lately, in the sense that i don't avoid hostile stares of people with an averted glance. i simply look them in the eye, issue them a sort of unspoken challenge. it feels good to know that i don't find them intimidating anymore, these strangers who have no reason to dislike me or have a very unfounded and silly one. springe makes me prone to fall in love with everyone and everything and avoid making substantial decisions at all costs. spring finds me attracted to women with short black hair and boys with heads full of longish curls. i like headbands in this season and i love popsicles. strawberry's always the standard flavor. sometimes in may i am prone to be more appreciative of gently rolling valleys than i am of the usual seascapes and mountain valleys which pique my aesthetic interest. spring has me taking giddy late-night bicycle rides on which i whisper people's names out loud to see how they sound with mine, cursing the mosquitoes all the while. spring has me thinking about the maritime provinces and colder nights in northern latitudes where sweatshirts become mandatory and campfires are a luxury. walks around ponds with smart people that listen and wear beaded necklaces around their necks. i think about the concept of being canadian sometimes, and how much i'd like to affix stamps with wildberries on them to my letters. i think about how the dawn of things electronic has greatly slowed down my utilization of the rain/snow/sleet/hail sort of mail service, and how truly tragic this is.